But theoretically…Unless you were recently discovered in a cave in the Amazon by scientists, you have probably heard of the now-infamous lawsuits aimed at deterring would-be music pirates. These are the efforts of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), a trade and lobbying group representing the largest and most influential recording companies in America. The lawsuits are civil rather than criminal, with the record company alleging that the downloader has stolen copyrighted material without permission and/or payment. With the exception of grandmasters of the illegal downloading game—the types who create illegal music-sharing websites—the United States government does not prosecute its citizens for music piracy. It also does not prosecute its citizens well: it took the Department of Justice eight years to convict its first music pirate.

The true bane of any music pirate’s existence is therefore the RIAA, which randomly selects and sues 700 to 750 casual pirates a month as part of an anti-piracy “campaign.” Some of the defendants in these RIAA cases have included a 10-year-old, an 80-year-old grandma who didn’t know how to turn on her computer, and a deceased person—his children were sued after a 60-day grieving period. Unsurprisingly, over one million Americans surveyed in an online poll voted the RIAA the most hated corporation in America in 2007.

The lesson? Don’t steal music--but if you must do so, don’t steal from the RIAA. The group catches offenders by employing a company called MediaSentry to monitor illegal downloading sites and record data on site users who download copyrighted music from RIAA artists. Avoid those clients, and the RIAA has no grounds for a prosecution. Unfortunately, the RIAA controls the more popular 85% of all music in America; so unless you decide only to pirate music from the dirt poor indie bands not represented by RIAA (shame on you), there’s a chance of being caught. This brings us back to my original dictum: Don’t steal music. Of course, this begs the question of what legal venues are available to the average listener. Everyone except you, O troglodyte, knows about iTunes.com, the patriarch of legal music downloading. But most of us can’t afford to pay 99 cents for every song that tickles our fancy. Thankfully, there are many free, legal alternatives for the starving art-lover. The most formidable of these is mp3.com, which is the matriarch to iTunes’ patriarch. The website offers one of the largest collections of free downloadable music to date. Other great places to go are the official websites of popular bands or artists, which often have free downloads of popular songs (much to their label’s dismay), music blogs, and, oddly, Wikipedia, which has a comprehensive, legal, and totally free library of nearly every classical song ever composed—I know, I’m excited too. If the RIAA continues its current campaign as it shows every intention of doing, music fans will be forced to use only legal means of acquiring their music. Obviously, this won’t be an issue for the students, but even if it were, the result is not all bad. It means that artists can earn more money and continue to create music. There are also many free sources of music online, if you have the interest but not the income for an artist. With all the resources available, students can continue to enjoy the music they love without breaking any rules.